I just had to share this with you.
I have tracker software on my blog. Tracker software is a wonderful feature of the internet that provides specific information that’s especially valuable for marketing products and services online. For example, a tracker can reveal who visits your site (no names or emails, just cities and countries), how long they stayed on your site, and even what they typed into a search engine like google in order to find your site.
So, this morning, as I was checking the tracker statistics for this blog, I noticed this:
See last line, Click to see larger image.
Someone in Jinzhou, China went to a computer, got online, opened up google.com, and typed in “I want to date a Jamaican in China.” My site popped up in the search engine results, and voila!
This, of course, leads to some interesting speculation, and some very important questions.
First of all, if she (hopefully a she) is searching for a Jamaican in China and found my site, then that might indicate that she didn’t know about my site before she searched. That’s very interesting. How on earth did that subject (and that desire) come up on its own???? Did she have a friend who dated a Jamaican (or perhaps even THIS Jamaican), and now she wants one of her very own?
Second, according to the tracker, she’s in China already. Is she a Chinese woman who has heard the rumors? Is she a non-Chinese woman, who now finds herself in China, and who wants to recreate a past experience? It’s all quite fascinating, don’t you think? I do.
But, I think you’ll agree with me that the most important question, all kidding aside, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, is, well…
HOW MUCH SHOULD I CHARGE?
With that in mind, I present to you my new service:
“I Want to Date a Jamaican in China!”
This could be you!
Yes, ladies, this could be you (and your friends, too! Don’t be selfish now!) For just a nominal hourly, weekly or monthly fee, you could be the envy of your friends and strangers throughout China when you stroll by with your very own foreign Jamaican “date!”
That’s right. They’ll ask (and you’ll NOW KNOW the answer to all the questions everyone is curious about). What questions? Use your imagination, ladies, and don’t play coy with us. We know you know.
Some restrictions, but big benefits apply. Inquire now for details.
And because I have entirely too much time on my hands, here’s the ad I envision. (I’ll have to create one in Chinese, too!)
click to view poster-sized, screensaver suitable ad
um, don’t they have laws to describe this sort of thing?
June 20, 2011 6 Comments
Okay, Guys. Listen up.
Here’s Amazing Truth #23: Women have super powers.
Have you ever wondered why conventional wisdom holds that women don’t cheat, say, as much as men do? (By the way, it’s only “cheating” if you’ve made a promise you can’t or don’t intend to keep, but that’s a whole other truth for a whole other day.)
In any event, women may actually cheat less, the same or even more than men do, but if it seems less, here’s one reason why. You see, women are more intuitive and have senses (smell, taste, hearing, etc.) that are more developed than men’s. It’s true. (Intuition is “the ability to know the truth about something without ever having been told, shown or taught.”)
That’s why a woman can tell if you’ve been smoking (no matter how much mouthwash you use), she can tell if there’s another woman’s perfume or bodily scent on you, (no matter how many showers you take), and that’s how she can tell that another woman has been in your apartment (no matter how well you think you’ve cleaned up).
Men, on the other hand, do not possess such developed senses and intuition, but here’s the really interesting part.
You see, even though they are vastly different from each other, both men AND women actually BELIEVE that the other gender is just like they are. You see, people tend to view other people through their own unique lens. For example, people who take drugs believe that everyone must have experimented at least once. People who are untrustworthy believe no one can be trusted, etc. They believe “The world is just like me.”
What this means is that MEN–who are NOT endowed with hyper-senses and keen intuition– believe they can get away with anything, since they have no idea that such powers even exist, and have no freakin’ clue what women are capable of.
The man’s thinking goes like this: “I can bring another woman to the apartment, and as long as I clean up and put everything back the way it was, she’ll never know…’cause women are just like men. She can’t know. Ha!ha!”
Similarly, WOMEN, who ARE endowed with hyper-senses and keen intuition believe that men must also be endowed, so they DON’T believe they can get away with anything, and are thus trapped in “good behavior mode” since they have no freakin’ clue what profound deficiencies men are operating under.
The woman’s thinking goes like this: “I CAN’T bring another man to the apartment, because even if I clean up and put everything back the way it was, he’ll know…’cause men are just like women. He’ll know. Darn!Darn!”
So, there you have it, guys: Amazing Truth #23: The real reason why men always get caught, and why conventional wisdom says that women don’t. It’s not because women cheat any less than men do, but simply because–based on their belief that men can detect things the same way women can– they simply clean up far better than your inferior male senses and intuition will ever be able to detect! (“Welcome home, honey!” Did you have a nice day at work?” Hmmmm….I wonder what you’ll be thinking tonight as the two of you dine at the dinner table?) Never lie to a woman. They know.
Someone Needed to Say It.
From the forthcoming book, The Amazing 68 and a half Truths About Women, About Which Men Have no Freakin’ Clue by Walt F.J. Goodridge
It’s the much-anticipated sequel to It’s the Motion of the Ocean…and Other Lies Women Tell to Small Men also by Walt F.J. Goodridge
UPDATE: You can find all this in the new book: “If you want to be my girlfriend…”
From the shockingly irreverent, yet curiously and wildly popular “Someone Needed to Say It” series of books.
File under “International Dating Advice”
April 13, 2011 No Comments
This post is expanded with even more serious tips on dating in the Kindle/Nook edition of Jamaican in China: Guess Who’s Coming to Dim Sum! (see left sidebar) (Don’t have a Kindle or Nook? CLICK HERE to order regular, ol’ ebook and download immediately!
Subject: (resending) Jamaican in China!–How to Meet Girls in Beijing
Date: September 14, 2010 5:17:06 PM GMT+08:00
So, here’s the scenario: You’re a man. You’re not Chinese. You don’tlook Chinese, and you’re planning a trip China! Great! Congratulations!
“So,” you ask, “how are the women there?” (Yes, guys ask that question)
thing is, as a foreign (Jamaican) guy, Beijing is probably one of the friendliest places I’ve ever experienced! If your experience is anything like mine, you’ll enjoy being here.
Here’s what you’ve got going for you. Here in China, there’s widespread curiosity about foreigners. People are advertising rooms for rent and “roommate wanted” situations with a preference for foreigners. Most everyone wants to learn English,and people are naturally friendly.
But, even so, there may be some challenges to maximizing your dating prospects. First of all, you’ll be a stranger in a strange land. It’s a different culture. There are different gender roles. You may or may not speak the language, and most people are probably going to assume that you don’t.
But, there are also a few other challenges to meeting girls. This is an unofficial survey, but I’ve already heard it many times from the girls here in Beijing that “I‘m afraid to talk because my English is not good,” or
“…many times we see a handsome foreigner, but we don’t know what to say.“
You see, I’ve also learned that a prevalent perception of foreigners that Chinese have (among many) is that there are certain things that Chinese shouldn’t talk about with foreigners lest you offend them.
So think what a challenge it must be for the foreign-curious girl on the street who’s culturally shy, extremely self-conscious about how good her spoken English is, doesn’t know how to initiate a conversation, AND afraid she might offend you by saying the wrong thing?
So, what’s a girl-seeking foreign man to do????
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had some way of letting them know that you’re NOT an unfriendly, selfish foreigner? (I told you there were many stereotypes)
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had some simple way to show that you’re open to talk, that you respect the language and culture?
Hmmm….You’re probably thinking, “I wish I had a t-shirt that said, “Say Hello to me!” or one that said “Ask me anything!” That would be sooo coool!”
Well, you can thank me later, but here it is!
“Say Hello to Me!”
Check this out: An actual t-shirt that says:
跟我说“你好” (gen wo shuo ni hao)
Mandarain for “Say hello to me!”
WANT MORE? Check it out
September 14, 2010 No Comments