Posts from — September 2011

I want you to stop for a minute and think about what I am about to say.

Every decision you made yesterday,  have led you to the place you are currently. Whether for good, or bad, you are where you are because of the choices you made. Some of those choices have left you scarred, and the consequences painfully hard to bare.

We have a tendency, to pretend with the one person who knows the truth. OURSELF. Only a mad person, keeps doing the same things over and over without realizing that what they are doing makes no sense. You are not such a person, so today I want you to take yourself on a date and have a conversation with the real you. Yes, it is o.k to take off the mask, no one is watching. All the world’s a stage but today, you don’t have to be an actor.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror and asking, ” who are you?” The person looking back at me simply said, ”Hi, I am Kymarie, and I have been waiting to meet you.”

Like many from the islands, I was raised to make something meaningful of myself. But unless you pursued one of the socially accepted professions, you would have wasted your life and deemed unambitious for pursuing something out of the box. Sadly, I was the one who wasted many years of my life pursuing careers I had no passion for, leaving me unfulfilled and with a ton of student loans (I need an angel to pay those).

Two years ago, I found myself at a cross road. But it was while standing in that place, with the whole world in front of me, I decided I wanted to venture into a new career field. Photography! What many people don’t know is that photography was my life line, the one I used to pull myself out of depression when I was unable to make sense of all the changes taking place in my life. I wanted to do for people with my camera, what my camera did for me. Make me hope again and see the true beauty within.

I digress……..that is the topic for another day.

I went to an event about a year and a half ago with my good friend David from DavidIPhoto, and this prominent Jamaican Professor asked me what I did for a living. I found the question a bit strange, since I was at the event taking pictures. Anyway, when I told him photography, he called me a rolling stone and politely walked away! It was in that moment, I knew I was doing something I loved. It mattered not one bit to me what he or anyone  else thought about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life! I wanted to take fabulous pictures and inspire others to follow their own dreams! PERIOD!

The site is called MICANBE for a reason. The MI is just my unique way of saying I, and you all know what CAN BE means. Who has the right to tell you what your dreams should or should not be? The boldness I now have, only revealed itself when I was ready to come to terms with the authentic me. I tell my daughter all the time. Be an original. Get to know yourself.

We are all standing in front of  invisible doors, that are just waiting to become visible. Doors waiting to take us to better places and teach us new and exciting things. But in order for us to make the invisible visible, we have to be willing to close some other doors, the ones that don’t serve us.

All I want you to do is consider……what would I like to achieve that I am not currently working on? What is preventing me from making a step?

Look at me, I took the step! I am chronicling the journey in order to give you the courage to face your fears and just BE!

Until next time

Stay positive. Be inspired.

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Before I start to write, I often sit with myself in silence. I do this so that I can listen to the voice within. I ask one simple question,“what shall I write about next?”, the answer that came back in the still small voice,” the power of forgiveness and letting go.”

People are often amazed by the relationship my ex-husband and I have. We often bounce ideas off each other and he is one of my biggest supporters. He encourages me to do the things  I say I am committed to doing and following up to see if it was done.

How could this be, the fact that we are no longer together would indicate we had “irreconcilable differences,”  and needed to stay as far away from each other as much as possible. The truth is, we didn’t want to waste valuable time and energy staying in a negative place over an extended period of time. We had a child together, and despite how we might have felt about each other at the time, she was now our sole priority. The way we communicated with and treated each other would greatly affect how she perceives relationships in the future.

“Everything that happens to us are lessons to be learned, we can choose to past the tests and move on to the next one, or stay stuck on the side of the road.” 

Couples usually don’t get along after a relationship dissolves, because there are too many baggages being carried around. Listen, I know some people are just super hard to deal with, but the less time we spend focusing on the other person and more on how we can best handle the situation, the better off we will be. I have learned and still continue to learn that I only have control over myself. It took me a while to really get this truth, but once I did, I owned my actions and not the actions of the other person.

With age comes maturity, or it should come with maturity. The older I get, the more I realize how therapeutic and beneficial a peaceful lifestyle can be. I can’t escape the fact that I will find myself in disagreements, but I no longer have the need to prove I am always right. I listen more and talk less. I also try to see things from the other person’s perspective and compromise if needs be.

What happened in the past, stays in the past. The past no longer exist. It only comes alive when I choose to play the old record over and over in my head. When negative thoughts about any area of my life comes to my memory, I acknowledge the thought and surrender the emotions associated with it.

I no longer hold on to the foolish idea that someone else can complete me. A person can complement, but never complete you. Whenever you get into a relationship, go into it being 100% in every way, mentally, physically and emotionally. There are no 50/50 relationships. Everyone need to be 100/100. Only when you are whole and complete, will you be able to truly appreciate love, and all that comes with it.

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I sat in my bed crying. It was not the first time that I found myself crying my eyes out. ” God, why is this happening to me? All he said was, ” Why not you?”

I had nothing more to say. I just continued to cry.

There were many times, I found myself wishing there was a door I could walk through that would take me out of this world. I didn’t want to kill myself or anything, I just wanted to escape to a place called paradise, where ever that was. It is hard to keep living and not know why you are living, because after awhile life just seems hopeless. There has to be more to life than just getting up day after day breathing in oxygen. We work because because we have bills to pay. The job might not be fulfilling but we keep going because it serves a “purpose.”

We are all here for a purpose they keep telling us. The problem is most of us spend a life time never discovering what that purpose is. We get so caught up with life and all that comes with it. Our survival instincts tells us, just get through this thing, then that thing happens. The cycle just never seems to ends. Before we know it ,we are old and grey wishing we had taken the time to do more meaningful things with our lives.

“For I know the thoughts I have towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

I read that passage of scripture for many years. I wanted to believe it was true for my life, but my reality told me a different story.

I am not sure when the answer came. That’s a lie. The answer came to me yesterday! After all this time, praying and seeing, it took writing this blog for the answer to be revealed ( I tell you, become conscious of the journey you are on, and things will begin to unfold).

I have been looking for purpose in all the wrong places. Purpose is not a single event, but a series of events that reveals itself over our life time. We are drawn closer to our purpose by the things we encounter. The loss of a loved one, the break up of a marriage the loss of a job, house, child you name it are all events that takes us closer to purpose. The good Lord saw it fit for us to go through some stuff, and still stand for a reason. The problem is we tend to only focus on the bad, and not see the good in our situations.

I read a story about a young man named Joseph. His brothers hated him because he was their father’s favorite. To make matters worse, Joseph told his brothers that he had a dream in which they were all bowing down before him. They were so mad, they wanted to kill Joseph, but instead, they sold him into slavery. While in slavery, his master’s wife told a lie on him that landed him to prison. While in prison he interpreted the dreams of two of Pharaoh’s officials that came through. Joseph begged Pharaoh’s cup bearer not to forget him when he got out of prison, but of course he did, until Pharaoh had a dream two years later which no one could interpret.  Long story short, Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and he was ultimately placed in a leadership position second only in command to Pharaoh. The purpose for his life – to save his people, when the famine came.  While going through,  Joseph could have had the wrong attitude and felt sorry for himself, like we often do. But instead he chose to learn something from every situation he found himself in.

Want to discover your purpose, look at what you have been through or going through and use it to serve others. For example, if you have lost a loved one, find purpose in honoring the memory of that person by volunteering your time to a cause that meant something to the person. Like myself, if you are divorced seek to see how you can serve other divorcees making the transition. Know of a couple going through a hard time in their marriage, serve them by offering a constructive perspective on resolving their conflicts. Never recommend divorce or speak ill of the other person.

Look at your life and use your pain to serve others. You will be amazed at the doors you will open, and how fulfilled you will become, just by giving yourself away.

Always remember, your ultimate purpose will be revealed to you on the journey. Finding purpose is not complicated. We have tied our purpose to money, and because we keep telling ourselves we won’t be able to survive, we neglect to pursue true purpose. You already have the answer within. You getting up everyday is purpose. Someone is dying, and waiting for you to speak life back into them. What will you do with that revelation?

The final chapter of your life

Imagine it’s your funeral and everybody close to you is there. One by one they give speeches. What would you like each of the speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of a friend or family member were you? Colleague? What characteristics would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions would you have made? What achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you, what difference would you have made in their lives?

Notice, when you die it’s not what you had that will be remembered. But how you lived, and that my friend is living on purpose.

Until we meet again.

Stay positive. Be inspired.

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“In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.” 

 I use to tell myself that network marketing was not for me and that I would never get involved. But in the early stages of my  journey, I felt courageous enough to test uncharted territories and join a company.

In order for you to succeed in network marketing, you have to spend countless number of hours working on yourself. The industry is built on BELIEVING. You can not market a product unless you first BELIEVE in it. You won’t find riches unless you can first BELIEVE that riches are possible for you.

The idea of being rich sounded great. The idea of being my own boss sounded even better! But over a period of time, I realized that my fears outweighed my desires to succeed at my new venture. My daughter was my WHY and yet still I just could not attract the level of monetary success I desired. I was fortunate to have mentors, willing to share their knowledge with me. But knowledge without application is only information.

I repelled what I wanted with my thinking. My poor self image led me to believe, that what I wanted was not possible for me. I never did let go of the subconscious belief that network marketing was not for me, and I did everything to prove that was so.

You are more than who they say you are!

When we were but children, many of us had the unfortunate pleasure of being told we would never amount to anything or any other combination of words that shaped the adults we became. The constant repetition of that “truth” became a reality for some and we did everything to prove it was so. We desire to do great things with our lives, but our greatness only manifested itself to the level of our belief. It would be easy to fight an outside enemy, but when the enemy is within, the only way to win the war is to keep working on changing the story we hold about ourselves. It will take a lot of soul searching, but you are worth the effort it takes to find the authentic you.

As parents, be very mindful of the stories you write in your children’s book. If you constantly see your children as being worthless and bad, that is who they will be. Perception is reality, and some people are not strong enough to change the perception they hold of them self. Don’t do to them or anyone else for that matter what others did to you.

What is the story you hold as truth about yourself. Is it empowering or disempowering?

“We are what we believe we are.”
C.S. Lewis

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 It has been said that a person’s greatest enemy is fear. Fear is behind failures, sicknesses and poor human relationships. People are afraid of their past, the present, the future, old age, insanity and death. But fear is a thought in your mind. That means, you are afraid of your own mind!

It has been three years since the accident, but Erica still get’s paralyzed whenever she sees a large crowd of people. Her heart palpitates at a thousand miles per second, she would break out in hives and start to sweat profusely. From where she stood, everything in the room was all intertwined and chaotic. Erica had no perception of what was real and she is terrified.

Erica’s case might be a little extreme for you, but we all have our own share of fears and phobias that has left us terrified. Fear, has become a mystery for the ages, up until now we have been “afraid” to confront it because we did not want to experience the emotions that accompanied the feelings of fear.

Our subconscious mind is responsive to the suggestions we feed it. In fact it is controlled by suggestions. I began to truly appreciate the workings of the mind when I got into photography. Everything that goes on in our thoughts are photographic interpretations of what we perceive to be reality. The images whether fully developed on the mind’s screen or not, is every bit as real to the individual seeing it as though the object feared was right in front of them. Sad to say, but fear has more power over us than it should because we don’t use our minds to think things through. We merely act to stimuli as they occur. Fear is only a conglomeration of sinister shadows, and you and I know that shadows have no reality.

Stepping Out of the Shadows into the Light

The great 19th century poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do the things you are afraid to do, and the death of fear is certain.”

There was a time, when I was filled with unutterable fear at the thought of doing weddings. But if I had given into that fear, I would not have had the joy of capturing and sharing in some of the most amazing love stories. The way I overcame this fear was to follow Emerson’s advice. Quaking on the inside, I would go on shoots where I was the second shooter and took pictures of weddings. Gradually, I became less fearful, until I was confident enough to  enjoy what I was doing on my own. You have to affirm positively to yourself that you are going to master your fears and come to a definite decision in your conscious thoughts. Once you do, you begin to release the power of your subconscious which flows in response to the nature of your thoughts.

It took me awhile to do what I am about to suggest you try, but it works! Find a quiet place to sit for 5 or 10 minutes and allow yourself to totally relax. Let’s suppose you are afraid of standing up in front of people to talk. Take a deep breath and begin to imagine yourself standing in front of an audience talking to people. Imagine that the people’s faces are pleasant and that they are listening to you attentively. By now, the scene in your mind should be all real, vivid and joyous. The more you continue to do this mental exercise, you will come to do it physically with ease and comfort. By shifting your thoughts, your actions have no choice but to follow.

Thoughts enveloped in the powerful emotions of fears are realized in the subconscious mind. In other words, when you keep repeating negative thoughts overs and over to yourself, in essence you are telling your subconscious to make sure it happens. Don’t be afraid of the monster hiding behind the door. There is no monster. You are just the victim of a false belief. Whenever you begin to feel fear stirring on the inside, stand up to it. Examine it, turn it around from side to side and look it straight in the eyes. Whenever you do that, your fear will shrink into insignificance. Place your attention on the things you desire, and start to develop a positive mental picture of it.

How much do you want what you want?

I heard a story about a young man who asked Socrates how he could get more wisdom and be like him. Socrates told the young man to come with him to the river. When they got there, Socrates shoved the young man’s head under water, and held it there until the boy began to struggle for air. Then he let him go. Once the boy regained his composure, Socrates asked him what he desired most when his head was under water. The boy replied that he wanted air. It was with that reply Socrates told the young man, “When you want wisdom as much as you wanted air when you were immersed in the water, you will receive it.”

Do you really want to banish the fears in your life. Do you really want to have what you talk about having? Well do the possible and begin to think about what you are thinking about and get into action.

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“Treat people as if they were what they
ought to be, and you help them to become
what they are capable of being.”
- Goethe

 
If someone gave you a million dollars, how would that make you feel? I can see your faces now

If someone gave me a million dollars, I would think they were an angel sent from heaven. I might even start speaking in tongues, and depending on how heavy the person was, I would even lift them up with my bad back, spin them around and kiss them!

The fact of the matter is, we tend to treat those who can do for us, better than those who have nothing to offer us.

There are three experiences I have had, that really stands out in my mind that I am truly proud of. I make mention of them here not to brag, but to show you how I got more out of the act of giving, than doing the act itself.

I was appointed Student Counsel President my senior year of  high school. The first thing on our agenda, was not to plan the next party or social event for the students. But to honor the janitors and cafeteria workers in the school with a luncheon. The committee and I went all out, and instead of having them serve us, we served them for the day. That was 1992. Last year, I took my daughter to Jamaica. I wanted her to experience the Jamaican school system, so I took her back to my hight school (St. Hugh’s) for a tour. I was surprised when one of the recipients of the luncheon came up to me and said she still remembers what we did for them 18 years ago and how it made her feel. You can image how I felt hearing that with my daughter with me.

Be on the look out to be someone’s angel.

I went on a business trip. When I got to the airport, I was told the flight was delayed for 3 hours. Disappointed. But expected. Anyway, I thought I would use the opportunity to grab a bite to eat with my friend and catch up on old times. When I got outside, I saw this old lady crying, and  no one even stopped, to ask her what was wrong. So I approached her apprehensively, maybe these people knew something I didn’t know.

” What’s wrong mommy?”  I asked.

” I took up the wrong passport, and left the one with my visa back home and I can’t get in touch with the person who took me here,” she said crying.

At that moment I had a choice to make. Give up catching up with my friend,  or taking her home to get the right passport so she could make her flight.

Needless to say, I had a smile on my face, when I saw the little old lady leave me at the airport back in Florida with her family. They had no clue what she went through to get there.

Never take a person’s dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to you.

My friend, never graduated from high school. Smart person, but the stigma of not having a high school diploma left him feeling inadequate. We got to talking one day, and we came up with a 90 day plan to have him complete this GED. Not only did he complete it. He is now in his second year of collage!

You never know how much the words you speak or your actions means to someone who think they are not worthy. The next time you are tempted to treat someone differently because they are not in your social class. Think again. Because tomorrow the person you reject today, could be the very person you will need to give you a helping hand.

Everyday we get an opportunity to be someone’s angel. What we do with that opportunity is up to us.

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“Until you value yourself, you will not value your time.
Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.”

No one is watching, but raise your hand if you have EVER put off some task for tomorrow that should be done today?

Thanks for being honest.

My 36^th birthday is coming up and I am so excited! About 2 months ago, I set for myself a goal to lose a few pounds and get toned in the process. But instead of losing the weight I gained 6 more pounds. What the hell!

Something is wrong with this picture, and I need to do something about it like right NOW!

So what are the real reasons for our procrastination, and what can we do about it?

Ready?

Let’s take a closer look shall we.

1.   We don’t want to deal with the pain.

We are creatures of pleasure. If there are no immediate gratifications to be gained from what needs to be done, we tend to postpone the task until later. I didn’t go to the gym, because all I kept thinking about was the pain and sore muscles.

Solution: Become clear as to the benefits to be gained before starting the task. This will help us to be laser focus on what needs to be done.

 2.   Telling ourselves we don’t have time

We all have 24 hours in the day.  We use the excuse of not having enough time to put things off.  Plain and simple, we fail to plan, organize and prioritize the hours we do have.

Solution:  Set aside some “time” to look at how you are spending your “time”. Ask yourself if there is anything you could eliminate or move around. Plain and simple, get organized. It will take a little effort, but you are worth it.

3.   The need to sabotage ourselves

Depending on how we see our self, we have a tendency to do the things that will reinforce our negative beliefs.

Solutions: Get to know yourself. Seek to uncover the real reasons WHY you don’t believe you deserve to give yourself the best, and do your best at all times.

4.   Fear

Our limiting beliefs about our self tend to stir up the emotion of fear. We fear failure and some of us fear success. We don’t think we would be able to complete the task well so we delay starting.

Solution: JUST DO IT NOW! Be clear as to the consequences of not getting things done and how that would make you feel.

This is by no means an exhaustive list as to why we procrastinate. But it is a good place for us to start.

As for me, I am going to seek out a personal trainer to help me stay on task and lose these extra pounds, plus the ones I wanted to lose in the first place  If you have any recommendations, please let me know.

So tell me, what have you been putting off for tomorrow and what do you plan to do about it?

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“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” Socrates

Maybe I am the only person who have had the experience I am about to share.

I felt like I was losing my mind. Everything was caving in on me.

I looked around the apartment, and I saw all these stuff.

I wasn’t happy, but I had things. People looking in from the outside would have thought I have arrived. But  I looking out felt like I was drowning.

It was only 2 of us, and yet still I had this fully furnished  3 bedroom apartment filled with material STUFF!

I am not sure who sent out the memo to the whole world, telling us that the more we had, is happier we would be.

I was living a lie and it was time to face the truth.

I didn’t need all this STUFF!

I called the salvation army and gave away most of the STUFF!

Really nice STUFF!

I down graded my 3 bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom. The strange thing though was, I found myself cry when I decided to do so.

Somewhere in my mind, I began to feel less than because I was getting rid of all the excess STUFF. The things that I have used to define me and my self worth!

Some people might think it is difficult to enjoy less.

This is however is not the case.Once I began to adapt a new mindset, I realized that less was indeed MORE!

Today I feel lighter. Less cluttered in my thinking.

I don’t have all the STUFF to manage anymore, which has given me the freedom to really see and enjoy life.

I don’t use a credit cards. I spend what I have in the bank.

I don’t eat out as much.

I spend more time reading than watching t.v.

I only go to the mall if I really have to.

When you focus on enjoying less, you focus on full enjoyment. You learn to be content with little, and when you do that, a life of happiness is at your disposal. The only limit to your happiness, then, is how much you can learn to enjoy less.

What are you willing to sacrifice, in order to enjoy more of life?

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” No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow”

Euripides
I had just dropped off my daughter at school when my phone rang.

It was my sister. ” Daddy is having chest pains so I called the paramedics.”

Ironically, I was at the stop light that would take me to my parents’s apartment. When I got inside, I saw my father sweating profusely. But it was the look on his face which made me know this was no ordinary chest pain.

After all he had two previous heart attacks!

My first instinct was to pray. So I prayed.

Daddy told me he felt better and started to praise God.

” I am not afraid to die,” I remembered him saying.

But in my mind I was saying, ” Please don’t die today, not here, not now.”

The paramedics interrupted my thoughts.

After asking daddy a few questions, they suggested that he went with them to the hospital. Where he got the strength to walk out of the house and into the ambulance  on his own I don’t know.

Well I do know….it was God!

My father was told he had 3 arteries blocked in his heart and that he need to have surgery done right away.

I almost passed out!

But I had to be strong.

They told us the surgery would take 6 hours. 6 hours came and went.

My sister and I camped outside the OR and waited.

We began to panic however when the 9th hour came and we did not hear from the doctor.

A hour later I got a call, telling me they found another blockage.

I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I just started to cry uncontrollably.

My father was in surgery for over 12 hours! My sister and I were sitting on the floor outside the OR when the door opened. We saw them wheeling my father out and took him to the recovery room.

The sight of my father made my little sister do the ugly cry.

His body was lifeless. Blood was all over the sheets. Tubes were down his throat, and someone was  on top on him doing something with his chest!

I sneaked into the recovery room.

I heard the nurse telling the other nurse, ” I can’t get a pulse.”

They might have heard me gasping, because it was then that they asked me to leave the room.

I had so much things going on in my life at that time, but I tell you the truth,nothing mattered that day in that moment.

When they finally allowed my sister and I to enter the room, I didn’t see my father. All I saw was a lifeless body. I couldn’t tell if he would hear me or not. The only reason I knew he was not dead was because no one came and told me that was the case.

“Daddy,daddy, can you hear me? It’s me, Natalie.”

Nothing.

Not a squeeze.

Not a blink.

The room was cold, and so was his body. The picture tells the story.

My father was in the hospital for over a week. He had to use a hug bear to press against his chest whenever he wanted to cough or laugh so that the stitches wouldn’t pop.

When the day came for me to take him home, I had to drive 20 miles per hour, and that was still too fast.

The stairs my father use to run up and down on to get inside his apartment, was now a steep  mountain. Ever two steps, he had to rest. It took us 20 minutes to get up 15 flight of stairs!

It has been a little over four years since his surgery.

I am convinced God have something for my Daddy to do here still, because 3 major heart attacks didn’t take him out!

But what about me, and you. Would we be so lucky?

In 2011 alone, I heard of so many people who died suddenly. Most of them young. If they had an opportunity to come back for a day, I wonder what they would tell us?

We spend a lot of time focusing on the wrong things and chasing other people’s dreams. We fuss and argue over petty things that will mean absolutely nothing to us in six months. We worry about bills, but yet still most of us are still spending more than we can afford to keep up our images. We live to work. We are living a lie.

I don’t believe when God created man, this was His plan for us. There has to be something more. The question is, are we interested in discovering what that something more is. Or, have we  just resigned ourself to living a mediocre existence until we die?

It’s time my friends for us to awaken to consciousness!

I don’t know how much longer I or my father will be here. I just pray that our latter days together, will be better than the past. I pray my true purpose would have been fulfilled and I die empty.

Who haven’t you spoken to in awhile. Who do you need to tell I am sorry to. Who do you need to appreciate some more. Who do you need to tell I LOVE YOU?

In honor of my father, if you found this blog inspiring, please share this post with others by clicking recommend and leave a comment.

Daddy I love you!  I want to hear you tell the same old stories over again that you think are funny over dinner

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