Some anonymous philosopher said it best – **** happens. And (forgive the mixed metaphor) it was my turn in the barrel yesterday. First, a wasp got me in the left eye while I was filling one of the bird feeders. Then when I went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, Sandra’s loyal little Escort “kotched” like one of those balky Jamaican mules – something to do with the timing belt. But there’s always a silver lining. Riding in the cab of the tow truck I got to hear what’s really going on in the world. And I found out it’s all Obama’s fault.
I guess it was the Obama sticker on the Escort that got him going, but for whatever reason, the tow truck driver felt I needed a course in Obamanomics. He had learned all about it from “the guy at the salvage yard.” The driver’s name is Dave and he’s an earnest, hard-working Florida white guy (impolite people might call him a cracker).
Dave admitted he made the mistake of voting for Obama last November but the guy at the salvage yard has since set him straight. Why, that salvage-yard guy even produced documentation, printed off the web, to show how Obama is ruining America, the world, the universe, the cosmos, and probably the hereafter. Included was a letter Obama wrote to then-President Clinton while in the U.S. Senate (I know that’s impossible since Obama didn’t get elected to the U.S. Senate until November 2004 but the guy at the salvage yard apparently isn’t the kind who lets facts spoil a good story). The letter asked Clinton to legalize falsification of mortgage applications in order to let welfare recipients (guess what color they are) qualify for homes they could not afford. And, as all the world knows (the salvage guy’s world, anyway), that’s what precipitated the American housing crisis and brought down the world’s economy.
Then there’s the deficit. Did I know the two ways in which Obama had made history? He is America’s first African-American president and the first U.S. President to spend a trillion dollars in six months (or was it three months?). Now, with the first stimulus package an abject failure, that Obama guy is planning to ask for another $780 billion stimulus package. Imagine that! We’ll never get it paid off, the rest of the world will stop lending us money, and America will be ruined forever.
My feeble attempt to counter these arguments wilted before the unassailable logic and rock-hard evidence (with documentation!) presented by the guy at the salvage yard. But surprise! There was one point of general agreement between Dave and me. He opined that if Obama wanted to do something useful he could legalize drugs. Dave thinks you should be able to buy a joint at the corner store, next to the beer, and you should be able to buy crack, heroin, meth and so on at the pharmacy. He didn’t spell it out, but I presume you would need a prescription for the hard stuff. Think of all the money you would save on law enforcement!
And what about using the tax revenue from drug sales to fund universal health care? Dave thought that would be a great idea.
You see? You never can tell. If you search hard enough you can always find a point of agreement with your tow truck driver. Even in Florida.