Mommy, the other kids are laughing at my phone!

SCENE 1:

“Oh, my heavens! Walt, what’s THAT?”

“Um, what do you mean?”

“Is that a phone???”

“Um, yes?”

“Wow! Does it work?

“Of course it works! What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just that…well, I didn’t know they still made those. Hey honey [to her husband], come look at Walt’s phone! Check this out…It’s even got a little antenna! That’s so cute!”

 

SCENE 2:

ME: [whips out phone thinking he’s cool]

SHE: [incredulous stare]

ME: “Kim, what’s wrong?”

SHE: [shakes her head to snap herself back into reality] “um, do you mind if I take a picture of that?”

ME: “picture of what?”

SHE: “That.”

ME: “You mean my phone?”

SHE: [pulls out her smartphone and snaps a photo]

ME: [hides the phone and looks around nervously if anyone is looking]


my phone


“Yes, it works, dammit!”

Yep. This is my phone. It’s not a Blackberry™. It’s not an iPhone®. (In fact, it’s not really that smart at all.)  Whenever I travel to New York, after I land, I whip out my Boostmobile phone, purchase a SIM card and I’m ready to rock and roll! Well, at least I THOUGHT I was rockin’ and rollin’. According to my friends, it’s not rock and roll, it’s more like music from an ancient banjo with missing strings.

According to Consumer Reports: A smart phone can typically handle multiple e-mail accounts (including corporate types), has a sophisticated organizer, and can handle Office documents. Some allow you to create and edit spreadsheets and documents, and they usually support Microsoft Exchange. Their touch-screen displays are larger, and their cameras are more advanced than those on conventional phones. And they typically have Wi-Fi, and support higher mobile wireless data speeds that facilitate better Web browsing and streaming media. Their advanced operating systems give them access to a host of applications: productivity tools, shopping, multimedia, games, travel, news, weather, social, finance, references, etc.

Nope, my phone does none of these things. I find that I don’t feel the need to shuffle Office documents while I’m on a beach on Saipan. But my phone does, in fact, do something amazing that just 20 years ago was unheard of: it makes phone calls, and allows me to talk to someone else while I’m out walking around outside without having to use a land line. Imagine that!


I don’t care WHAT you say, flip phones are still cool! I feel like I’m Captain Kirk.”Beam me up, Scotty, the aliens are laughing at me.” [Taken on Oct 17, 2011 with Kim’s fancy shmancy smartphone and sent to me in an email entitled “Walt on his fossil”]

Along with Facebook, the smart phone revolution sort of goes forward without me. That’s what can happen when you’re living on a tropical island in the middle of the Pacific. When I take the subway here in New York, I’m practically the only one who hasn’t assumed “the position:” head bowed, ear-piece inserted , elbows close to the body, forearms extended, thumbs working, eyes glued to a screen. No one makes eye contact. They look up just briefly enough to see what station they’ve reached, and if it’s time, they snap the phone shut and speed out. (“Lady, wait! You forgot your kid!”)

Assume the position! [courtesy of asiagoans.com]

Sigh. I think I missed the memo. 

Walt F.J. Goodridge

"Once upon a time, there was a Jamaican civil engineer living in New York who hated his job, followed his passion, started a sideline business publishing his own books, made enough money to quit his job, escaped the rat race, ran off to a tropical island in the South Pacific, and started a tourism business so he could give tours of the island to pretty girls every day....and live a nomadpreneur's dream life."

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