Old Ladies on Xanax
I wonder when I get old if I’ll like tomato juice? What is it about tomato juice that old people, especially women crave after the age of 60? This week I’ve been doing a lot of travelling between New York and Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach. Miraculously, I didn’t have to turn in my ID after each trip. Now, Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach are primarily populated by the “snowbirds” i.e old people who live in Florida during the winter. These routes are more demanding for flight attendants because some of these people believe that we are their personal assistants. I’ve been called, “Gal,” and “Girl” many-a-time on these flights. They get no response until I hear, “Miss.” Out of order!
Are we in the air?
I was visiting with my two crewmembers in the forward galley. We were regaling each other with stories of the passengers’ antics upon boarding and during service. This old lady in the first row leans over and asks very loudly;
“It doesn’t feel like we’re moving. Are we?”
Lead flight attendant: “Believe me sweetheart, we are. We only have an hour left before we get to Florida.”
Then she whispers to us; “She’s had two Bloody Mary’s and two tomato juices already.”
See No Evil
During boarding I was in the aisle helping arrange luggage in the overhead bin. An old lady approached me;
“I’m gonna need for you to help me with my TV. I’m legally blind.”
In my head I said; “So why do you need to see the TV? Not like it’s gonna make much of a difference.”
This gem is from J, she’s been with my airline for over 10 years.
“After service a woman rings her call button. Mind you, I was eating my lunch at the time, so I chewed and swallowed my last bit of sandwich quickly to go see what she wanted. She wanted me to turn on her reading light.”
You mean the reading light that is located RIGHT NEXT to the button she just pushed to call you? Wooooosaaaaahhhhh!!!!
The line for the bathroom can get long on these flights. Old people’s pipes aren’t in the tip top shapes they used to be. I remember watching this old lady walk carefully down the aisle and patiently waited for her turn. She was even making funny faces and playing with the baby in front of her. Upon leaving the restroom she leaned into the back galley and asked;
“Can one of you hold my hands and take me back to my seat? I’m petrified of flying”
What happened to the relaxed lady I just saw playing with the baby? Normally, petrified flyers identify themselves on the ground and we keep a closer eye on them during flight, just to make sure they are alright and not having any panic attacks. So obviously I was confused.
Flight attendant of the year, T, gladly obliged. I would have done it, but I didn’t hear the toilet flush or the faucet running and she was in there for a while. My health comes first.