Roses – Caught on Tape
…Everybody is livin’ it up,
All the fellas keep lookin’ at us
cause me and my girls on the floor like what,
while the DJ keeps on spinning the cut…
– “It’s like that”, Mariah Carey.
Date: Saturday, October 4, 2008.
Location: The Candy Moon Club
Time: 1:58 AM
The ever so tight security-controlled V.I.P area was now packed to capacity with mostly the “who’s who” of the urban media and entertainment world. Sectioned off in their own intimate booths, a few of the big (and not so big) names were, as usual, acting stush. You know them ones right? Going on like their doo doo smelt of the finest flowers (ooohh phleaze!). We couldn’t have cared less though.
“Oh man… I tell you what: men and their egos. When will these guys learn man? Just cos they’ve got a bit of fame and a few p’s in the bank, doesn’t make ‘em buff,” Johanna chuckled.
“Innit doh!” Jade agreed, clanging her empty champagne flute glass with Johanna’s.
“All the money in the world wouldn’t make that guy nice. No really it couldn’t. I know I shouldn’t say it but boy oh boy that guy’s frugly to r*$$! What makes it worse is that he thinks he’s that hot! He’s definitely got a face made for radio. Bloody cheek about he’s better looking than Usher,” I added.
“Yeah and then he woke up. Why’s that retard begging it for? Oh what to the hell ever man. I bet even that Usher’s backside’s easier on the eye than that guy’s face is. That fool’s any man dot com you get me,” Jade mused.
Cackling like a pack of excitable hyenas, the girls and I fell about laughing. After a quick natter about Johanna having to interview one of the most arrogant and contentious RnB artists currently on the music scene, the attention quickly flipped to my love life.
“So Marcia, I heard you didn’t stick to the Laws of Attractions huh?” Shauna enquired, raising her eyebrows.
“Well kinda..” I mumbled, glancing down at my glass.
“Kinda? Oh purleaze Marcia. Kinda, my foot! No one could get hold of you last Saturday. We all know what you were up to,” Jade winked.
“Yeah man, texting me about you’re caught up in something pressing,” Johanna smirked.
“The only thing caught up and pressing in Marcia was Marlon’s di..”, “Yeah alright Jade!” I replied, promptly cutting her off.
Besides, it was like I wasn’t up to anything my girls wouldn’t have been too if they were in my shoes. I decided to remind myself of Marlon’s captivating smile. Yeah right. As if I’d really forgotten.
I was grinning so damn hard to myself my cheeks were beginning to ache. Considering there was no phone signal in this place, it wasn’t even like I could even reply to Marlon’s text any time soon. I could have bet my last tenner though that he was probably thinking of me just as much as I was bugging out over him.
“THE FUNKY HOUSE TUNES FRISKY’S PLAYING ARE SICK! COME ON LET’S REPORT TO THE DANCEFLOOR,” Shauna interrupted, grabbing Jade’s wrist and yanking her from her seat.
“Don’t need to tell me twice,” Jade replied.
“It’s time to drop down and skank it low ladies,” I commanded.
“Anymore drinks girls,” Monique asked as she collected the empty glasses on the table.
“Not for now thanks Monny, we’ve got some serious bubbling to do,” Johanna winked.
Heading towards the dance floor, top host, promoter and deejay royalty Frisky Shotta had been whipping the five hundred or so strong crowd into a complete frenzy of exhilaration for about the last hour.
“Hey,” Johanna mouthed as Frisky waved at her from near the deejay booth.
Damn, he must have really good eye sight. From where we were standing I could just about see Frisky Shotta’s eccentric peroxide blonde Mohican.
“HE REALLY LIKES YOU,” I hollered whilst the soca influenced beats transcended through the dance floor.
Honestly, someone could have dashed a shoe at Frisky Shotta’s head and I don’t think he would have noticed. No really.
The man was staring so damn hard at Johanna he was starting to look like a love sick puppy.
“NAH MAN, IT AINT LIKE THAT,” Johanna shouted back over the top of the music.
Hmmm yeah right.
“Let me tek it back from de top,” Frisky shouted into his microphone, quickly looking in a different direction (other than Johanna’s face).
Playing just a little teaser of the familiar bongo drummed bass line banger, one of the other deejays behind the decks suddenly halted the record.
“’Ear dis now,” Frisky’s dense Jamaican accented voice reverberated through huge, floor standing speakers.
Would you mind if I take you home tonight with me,
Where no one can see,
So don’t be shy.
W-h-o-l-e N-i-g-h-t, N-i-g-h-t, N-i-g-h-t…”
As the a cappella dub plate sounded through the club, the original instrumental tune played at low volume in the background. A roaring mass of hoots and hollers could be heard from every corner of the dance floor, whilst the torrent of whistles and foghorns blowing nearly deafened me man.
“Yeah mon. Now dat’s what me ah talk ‘bout CHAH,” Frisky declared before letting one of the biggest funky house tunes of 2008, Paleface and Kyla’s “Do You Mind” play in full effect.
Two stepping our way closer to the centre of the crammed dance floor, the girls and I shimmied in and out of the hyper crowd.
“Badman tune eeh…BIG UP PALEFACE AND KYLA. YOU DONE KNOW, AWOH.” Frisky Shotta smiled whilst the strobe lighting reflected against his gold capped canines.
“Woop, woop!” I squealed throwing a few mambo and cha-cha-cha steps into the mix with Shauna.
Big skanks. Small skanks. One fingered skanks. Two fingered skanks. Left foot skanks. Right foot skanks. It was official. Every last person on that floor had danced into skankalicious mode. As one funky masterpiece submerged into another, hundreds of jutting shoulders and arms continued to throw caution to the wind. A fusion of sweaty bodies shook whilst heads ferociously bopped as if they were possessed by some kind of higher spirit.
“OLLY, OLLY, OLLY,” The Mediterranean looking selector yelled into one of the microphones whilst the other (rather cute can I add) deejay continued to build a musical tornado on the turntables.
“OI OI OI,” the crowd responded.
“AYIA NAPA, AYIA NAPA,” He continued.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” The crowd roared.
My eyes flittered as the bright white beams from the video camera lights occasionally shone on in our direction.
“Wow,” I said catching Shauna who was now shamelessly sticking her tongue out right in front of one of the camera lenses.
“She’s come out of her shell,” I mused in astonishment.
Usually ever so reserved, if not a bit on the prim and proper side, the funky house music seemed to unleash the wild side of Shauna, just as it did back in Napa.
“ME WAN SEE ALL DE GYAL DEM WID SEXY RIDDIM, SHOCK OUT ZEEN. IF YOU KNOW SAY YOU AH PARTY WID DE LIVE VIBES CREW OVER IN AYIA NAPA FROM DE BEACHES TO DE CLUBS THIS SUMMER, ME WAN ‘EAR YOU SCREAM,”
With the microphone rested behind his ear and the other hand on his hip, Frisky Shotta demanded an answer. No sooner had he asked, everyone was screaming so loud I thought the roof was going to cave in from the high decibels.
“Oh my days. It’s so warm.”
I didn’t know about anybody else but I was perspiring like a “mother fugger”.
“Oh well,” I sighed, watching Jade grinding (as per usual) with some random guy.
Even with that ridiculous wig on her head and dressed that ludicrous outfit of hers, Ms. Knight still managed to attract guys like bees to honey.
If she and her identical twin sister Jasmine were just five or six feet…sorry, inches taller, I could’ve sworn they would have both easily been successful runway models.
“RIGHT, TIME FE CHANGE UP DE VIBES,” Frisky stated, whilst the deejay faded out the current funky house tune.
“ANYWHERE LIVE VIBES AH HOL’ A DANCE, DE PLACE HAFFI LOCK ZEEN,” Frisky continued.
“You know what? Nuff of dem sound bwoys chat too much yah. Dem ah go try violate Live Vibes. Wan chat bout dem badder dan we.. Badder dan LIVE VIBES? DEM MUSSI MAD! All of dem dere cyaan test we zeen..”
“BLUP, BLUP, BLUP,” Jade and I (and a few hundred others) yelled in defiant agreement.
Immaculately turned out in his crisp white trouser suit, Frisky Shotta regally stood on the makeshift platform above the crowd, like a politician addressing his supporters.
“Any of dem sounds tink seh dem hotter dan LIVE VIBES?” Frisky Shotta questioned.
“NO ONE’S HOTTER THAN LIVE VIBES!” Jade enthusiastically shrieked (remarkably louder than everyone else).
Jade’s excitable outburst was closely followed by her practically tossing her cigarette lighter high into the air.
“Alright Jade,” I laughed quickly ducking the free falling object.
“MEK DEM RUN COME, DEFEN’ IT! AH MEK DEM GWAAN TRY. NUTTEN NAH GWAAN FE DEM MON. DEM AH WANSKTER FE LIFE YOU SEE ME…FROM HINGLAN, EUROPE, THE U.S., JAMAICA, THE CARIBBEAN. H’ALL OF DEM PLACES DEH YAH TO EVEN JAPAN… IT’S LIVE VIBES TO DE WORL’!!! ”
A vigorous surge of rowdy toots came from all around, whilst some showing their personal love for the Live Vibes crew, hung their heads low and shot their two fingered, gun saluted hands high up in air as a sign of respect.
“Right now me ah go ‘gi you one of the bl—claat toughest tunes fi come outta Jamaica dis year zeen….Dis goes out to h’all of me special people dem. Me h’african princess Johanna, you’re so special, so special, so special…” Frisky Shotta winked.
Smiling wryly tinged with what looked like slight embarrassment, Johanna half heartedly waved at Frisky Shotta.
“OH GURLLLLL, HE’S SO GOT A CRUSH ON YOU,” I teased.
“EY YOW SNIPER T, RUN DI RIDDIM STAR!” Frisky roared into his microphone.
“………..I’m on de go
I’m on de go but! badman ah try fe stop me though
I’m on de go,
I’m on de go jah!
clone me out cah me nuh poppy show jah….”
“WOOOOOOOYYYYYY!” I screamed as the original gangster for life dancehall star’s Mavado’s ‘I’m so special’ pulsated around the oval shaped room. The instantly recognisable ‘unfinished business’ rhythm detonated the crowd into a blast of elation. Rolling our waistlines, whilst swiftly kicking our legs and arms out in a slick alternative fashion, Jade and I shocked out before tecking ourselves away through the cluttered dance floor. The next thing I knew I’d been kidnapped by some MC Hammer look-alike.
“PULLLLLLLL UUUUPPPPPPPP!” Jade hollered as the deejays dropped the next dancehall tune. The crowd bawled for a re-wind of Vybes Kartel’s energetic ‘Tick Tock’.
Thrusting her tiny hips back and forth into random guy number two’s crotch, I could tell Jade was having a great time. Staring at us from only a few feet away, I kind of got the impression that both Johanna and Shauna must have thought that Jade and I were a few sandwiches short of a picnic. With the slow gyration of my pelvis in time to this MC Hammer’s precise rhythm we “wined”, breaking it all the way down to the floor before gradually bringing ourselves back up. Still embracing me from behind, the guy tapped both his hands on my thighs whilst I shook my generously proportioned rump in time to the beat. Oh my days! Euwwww….Enough already. Without any hesitation, I suddenly eased myself away from this guy’s hardened crotch. Seriously, can someone tell me why in the world di “mans” dem get so damn excited? It’s just a blinking dance for gawd sakes!
“There’s only one guy who can back his thing up on me, you get me,” I assured myself whilst watching Jade and random guy number two, who had not only caught the attention of the surrounding ravers but also that of the film crew.
“SHE’S ALWAYS GOTTA TO BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION,” shouted Shauna over the music.
She stood next to me with a less than disapproving look on her face.
Treating random guy number two to a fast tantalizing “wine”, it wouldn’t have been hard to mistake Jade for a professional go-go dancer.
“WOW!” Johanna wheezed in bewilderment.
Dropping her hands to the floor and allowing the guy to clutch her at the thighs, Jade started crawling along as if she were a wheelbarrow.
“OH MY DAYS!” I yelped.
As her head tilted south, Jade’s wig fell off, scarpering across the floor like a rodent on the run. That didn’t slow her down though. The girl was now sensually pulsating and popping her buttocks so immaculately, she had every last guy in the room mesmerized.
“JADE’S GOTTA WATCH HERSELF MAN,” Shauna groaned.
“DONT MATTER IF SHE DOESN’T. THOUSANDS WILL BE ANYWAY. LIVE VIBES’ FILMING NEW FOOTAGE TO STICK ON THEIR WEBSITE, MYSPACE AND FACEBOOK PAGES INNIT,” Johanna replied still in awe of Jade.
It’s funny how Ms. Knight often had the cheek to wonder why she and Jerome had more dramas than the average episode of Eastenders.
“Errmm…Something tells me Jerome’s gonna-hit-the-roof,” I mumbled, whilst Jade’s random guy resembled a dog on heat, as he hysterically rammed his waist in between her parted legs.
Flipping Jade over and lifting her up on to his torso, random guy wrapped Jade’s short slim legs around his narrow waist, before bouncing her up and down on his crotch like he was her trampoline. Egged on by the thunderous crowd, Jade quickly jumped down and began twisting her face up into interesting shapes, as if she were in some kind of pain, whilst ferociously fanning her hands towards her cheeks.
“GO JADE, GO JADE, GO JADE,” Johanna and I hooted.
To say Shauna didn’t look the slightest bit impressed, was putting it mildly. Snaking her waist with the trained etiquette of an Arabian belly dancer, Jade motioned her hips in wide circular movements, before dipping down in the stooky dance.
“THAT GIRL’S SO EXTRA!” Shauna grunted before swanning off back through the lively crowd.
For at least the next hour, Frisky Shotta and the other Live Vibes deejays continued to play a succession of great reggae and bashment tunes.
“WICKED!” I bellowed as the deejays wound down the set with the unique sounds of Jah Cure’s anthem “Sticky”.
[Continues Next Week…]