Why you playing games, what’s this all about?
And I can’t believe,
Your hurting me,
I met your girl, what a difference,
What you see in her,
You aint see in me,
But I guess it was all just make-believe
Love – Keyshia Cole
Date: Saturday, October 4, 2008.
Location: Outside my block of flats, Stephens Road, Stratford E15
Time: 6:48 AM
Can you believe it?!! Because I blimming can’t!
What should have ONLY taken Shauna twenty minutes, thirty minutes MAXIMUM dropping us off home, door to door, took over a bloody hour! ONE HOUR AND TWELVE MINUTES TO BE PRECISE.
One simple, four letter word…J-A-D-E!
Shauna had no choice but to pull over in the City and let Jade throw her guts up in some nearby bushes. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Miss Knight was adamant she needed a bottle of water and some coffee before she went home, otherwise she’d carry on spewing like a fountain.
And nope, it couldn’t just be any bottle of water and coffee.
The water had to be a bottle of Volvic strawberry flavoured Hint of fruits, and the coffee couldn’t be from any old twenty four hour café in Hackney.
It had to be a large, chocolate dusted latte from the one located in the Tottenham end of Seven Sisters Road!
And guess what bloody mug had to get out of the car, fend off a leery gang of coffin dodging perverts, just to get the princess her precious cup of stupid coffee?
The drama didn’t stop there.
Even when we reached her place in Leyton, Jade refused to leave Shauna’s car until Jerome came down and got her.
I had two options.
A: call Jerome against my will
B: sit in the car for possibly another bloody hour until her highness was ready to get the eff out.
I suggested option C: Just shove Jade out and drive off, but no one was brave enough to do it.
I unwillingly woke the poor git from his peaceful sleep at ridiculous o’clock in the morning. Dragging his dishevelled and obviously knackered backside out their warm bed into the nippy early morning air, Jerome then had to give Jade a piggy back up two flights of stairs into their top floor maisonette flat. Boy…… I guess if that’s not what you call real love, I dunno what is.
“Thanks sooo much Shauna,” I said, sticking my head through the driver’s window and kissing her on the cheek.
“No worries…and Marcia, he ain’t worth it you know,” Shauna said with a sympathetic smile on her face.
“I know.” Out of nowhere, a sudden cloud of gloom hung over me.
“Shauna, it’s been an experience” Johanna laughed dryly.
“I’ll call you Monday and let you know if I can make your socaerobics class,” Johanna winked in Shauna’s direction.
“Okay girl. Chat soon.”
Reversing and turning the wheel to a full left lock, Shauna zipped off into the unusually quiet main road.
It was official. My feet had numbed with an immense, toe curling pain. I couldn’t get inside my block quick enough. No sooner had I turned my key in the lock, than the old battle-axe’s rat faced mutt next door decided to start yapping like a bitch.
“I tell you what. One day I’m gonna kidnap that blasted dog and take it far, far away where no one can hear or ever find it again,” I groaned.
“Or you could just accidently leave the porch door open and let it go and play with traffic on New Plaistow road,” Johanna suggested.
“Errmm nah Simona’s tried that already.”
“I tell you what, for an old dear with dodgy hips, that Edna literally somersaulted down that landing and shut the door before that bloody gremlin even had the chance to jump over the threshold,” I said quietly as we entered the flat.
The remnants of yesterday’s dinner, curried chicken, rice and peas, still lingered in the air. Mmmm I hope there’s some left for me. I made a mental note to check the fridge later when I woke up.
“Ooh yeah, I remember now. Something about how she tried to stab Simona with one of her knitting needles afterwards,” Johanna whispered, trying not to chuckle.
“Yeah man. Whoever thinks all old people are cute and cuddly obviously ain’t met Edna yet. They’d soon change their mind. She makes Cruella De Vil look like a saint,” I whispered.
Considering that both Ma D and Simona despised having their sleep disturbed, we padded passed the living room and crept quietly into my bedroom. Kicking off the platforms at the door, I immediately cleared the pile of the clothes from my untidy bed onto the nearby wicker chair.
“Ohh my days that feels good.”
Plonking myself down on the mattress, my tired and limp legs aimlessly dangled, whilst my backside adjusted to the hardness of the bed.
“Tell me about it,” Johanna said, wriggling her toes.
“So…BQ, what you gonna do about Marlon?”
That was it. Water welled up in my eyes and my lips trembled in an uncontrollable manner. Oh boy. I don’t know what happened but before I could stop it, a flood of tears were cascading down my cheeks. In no time at all I was bawling as if I’d lost my marbles.
“Oh BeeeeQuuuue,” Johanna cooed.
Bouncing up from my worn patchwork beanbag, Johanna hastily sauntered over and draped her arms around my shoulders.
“Sorry Jo-Jo. I promised myself I wasn’t gonna cry over another dickhead but it hurts man,” I blubbered.
I was starting to feel the repercussions of my head-on collision with the truth. A hot gush of sobs stung my face, whilst the image of Marlon’s boyish smile flittered through my thoughts. I was feeling majorly pissed at myself for letting this fool get to me so much.
“There I was thinking he was my knight in shining armour man. Yeah more like a deceptive prick in BacoFoil.”
“BQ trust you to run jokes at even a time like this,” Johanna giggled.
[Continues Next Week…]