Roses – The Bitch is Back

Namsta Naomi J. – Yaadinfo Contributor    [ Website ]

Roses - A Distinctive Little Anecdote

The glamorous,
The glamorous, glamorous,
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy,
The glamorous!!

Date: Saturday, October 4, 2008.
Location: The Candy Moon Club
Time: 12:32 AM

“Welcome to V.I.P ladies,” chirped one of the Live Vibes FM promotion girls unbuckling the red rope.
“This venue’s proper buff,” Jade gasped, nudging me in the waist.
“Tell me about it,” I replied, gazing around in awe.
in tha clubInstantly hit by the club’s blinging yet classy ambience, it was almost as if we were drifting through a vibrantly funky version of Alice in Wonderland. State-of-the-art TV plasma screens consecutively hung over the multicoloured lava topped bar counters whilst muted orange and yellow strobe lights illuminated the shimmering gold walls and black marble floors.

“I still can’t believe we got all these things in the goody bag,” Shauna said rummaging through the small sack.
A girl who probably wasn’t that much slimmer or taller than me, attired in the same white ribbed Live Vibes vest top and black leggings we‘d received in our goody bags, greeted us by the elaborate seating area.
“Hey ladies my name’s Monique. Monny for short and tonight I’m your personal host. Please let me show you to your booth,” she advised in a high pitched, Sarf London accent.
With a rich, chocolately complexion very similar to my own and a broad friendly smile, the host’s pretty looks reminded me a little of American actress Nia Long, fused with the demeanour of Destiny Child’s singer Kelly Rowland.
“Hey Monny,” I replied, eagerly trailing behind her to our booth.

Listening to the music blaring from the main room, I shuffled my leopard print, T-bar strap platforms from side to side, keen to get on the dance floor. With so much space surrounding our own booth, we didn’t have to move from our area if we didn’t want to.
“Oh noooo that’s the word, Oh nooo that’s the word…”
“Heavy,” I said as the deejay spun a wicked So So Solid Crew tune from back in the day.
Bobbing my head in time to infectious beat, I could feel the high currents of hype and enjoyment sparking through the electrifying atmosphere. Taking our rightful places at the reserved table, I glanced around to see if I could spot any of the usual faces from the world of urban media as yet.
“Oh my days Jade, do you have to sit right on my frigging hand!” Shauna grimaced, shaking her fingers.
“Oh phleaze…! I didn’t see it. It was an accident man…Hush your gums,” Jade snapped.
It was absurdly hard at the best of times to ever believe that these two shared the same gene pool, let alone were first cousins.
“I love that mask of yours girl,” Monique cheerfully said, as she flipped out a little notepad.
“Aww thanks,” I almost forgot I had the thing on my face in the first place.

“What can I get you ladies to drink?” Monique asked.
“Amaretto and Pepsi for me please,” Johanna answered politely.
“Single JD and coke will do me please,” I responded.
“Just a fruit juice with extra ice for me please,” Shauna smiled.
“Oooohh look, someone’s adventurous. Why not push the boat out and ask for a slice of lemon as well? Go on I dare you Shauna.” Jade mocked picking up the drinks menu.
Choosing to glance around the room, instead of what looked like making direct eye contact with Jade, Shauna ignored Jade’s jibe.
Scanning her eyes across the pink card, it appeared Jade was mulling over what to order.
“Sometime today Jade,” Shauna deeply sighed, followed by a (pretty exaggerated) yawn.
“I’ll have the LV special, Higha Level cocktail with an extra double shot of white rum please Monny,” Jade said putting the menu back in its chrome holder.
“Uh hum,” Shauna cleared her throat.
The bitch is back“Sorry, but have you got some kinda problem Shauna?”
Jade began to fiddle with the mesh bowl full to the brim with colourful lollipops. The legendary teeth gritting ‘just test me bitch’ snarl was close to blossoming on her face.
“No, nah… I mean if you wanna ruin your liver and drink the equivalent of your own body weight, that’s your business innit Jade.”
Considering Jade was practically five foot nothing and as skinny as a toothpick, it wasn’t exactly hard for her to drink her own body weight.
“You’re right Doctor Shauna. You’re sooo right. It’s none of your damn business!” Jade snapped, hammering her small hands on the glass table.
Needless to say the lollipops flew all over the place, scattering absolutely everywhere. “Look. If I want your advice I’ll ask for it.
In the meantime Shauna, enjoy your juice,” Jade huffed, shooting an angry glare in Shauna’s direction.
“Oh my days Jade… no need to get all hyped… I was just saying,” Shauna replied, plucking an orange lollipop from out of her lap.
“Well don’t for friggs sake. Keep all that health freakish shit to yourself man. READ-MY-LIPS. I don’t care.
Jerome’s already f#!*ed me off enough to last a lifetime. You don’t need to add to it too!”

And there we had it. The ever so friendly and inviting atmosphere of Jade and Shauna. Just like Johanna and I, Monique didn’t know where to look.
“Errmm let me get those lollipops,” Monique suggested as she bent down.
“Don’t worry, we’ll do that Monny,” I said sweetly through a tight-lipped ‘get the hint and go-a-way’ smile.
“Soooo…” Johanna started.
“Anyone up for that new jazz and street dance play at Stratford Royal next Sunday?”
Johanna’s question must have fallen on deaf ears, because no one answered. Lowering her short silky lashes towards the table, Johanna picked at her French manicured finger tips.
Hurry up and come back with the drinks gurlfren. I impatiently watched Monique waddle off in the direction of the V.I.P. bar.

The arctic probably had more warmth than what was around our booth at this moment. With Jade’s mouth set in a bitter twist, she looked as if she’d just been sucking on a barrel full of lemons, whilst anyone would have easily been forgiven for thinking Shauna was chewing on a wasp.
“Nice,” I sighed, looking towards the dance floor.
If this was how these two intended to be all damn night I was definitely going to need a little “somefink-somefink” to get me through the rave.

[Continues Next Week…]


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