Shut Up and Go Play Golf, Tiger! Talking Is Not Your Game

One of the great curses of the game of golf is chatter. If you play golf, I’m sure you know what I mean. The starter hooks you up with some guy and for the next four hours you can’t hear yourself think much less hit the blankety-blank ball. I know this sounds like an excuse but I can’t concentrate on the game when someone is yakking at me non-stop about his recent quadruple bypass operation or the Caribbean cruise he took last winter.

If you’ve ever followed Tiger Woods around in a tournament, you must have noticed that he doesn’t say much. He makes Ben Hogan look like a social butterfly, and, according to legend, all Hogan ever said to an opponent was, “You’re away.”

tigerNo, talking is not Tiger’s strong suit. Hitting golf shots is. The more he has to say, the more trouble he gets into. And I expect that’s what will happen today. The tabloids were just forgetting about the gazillion cocktail waitresses who claim to have had sex with him and going back to analyzing Angie’s spats with Brad over Jen, when Tiger announces he has something to say about the wretched mess he’s in.

Accordingto the announcement, Woods is to speak to an invited group at 11 a.m.  today (EDT) at the home of the PGA Tour in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida,

To me, that’s really dumb. What more can he say? He’s a lech? We know that. He’s sorry? Of course. And if anyone has any questions, he isn’t going to answer them, so what’s the point of getting the press excited?

As far as I am concerned, anything he has to say he should say to Elin, if she’s listening, and to her lawyers if she’s not. I don’t want to hear from him. In the words of the old Bob Dylan song, we never did much talking anyway. When I would say “Hi Tiger” out on the course he never once responded.

But that’s not what I want from the guy. I want to watch him hit those spectacular shots and drop those pressure putts. Golf just isn’t the same without him.

So go play golf, Tiger. You’ve done too much talking already.

gwgraeme

I am a Jamaican-born writer who has lived and worked in Canada and the United States. I live in Lakeland, Florida with my wife, Sandra, our three cats and two dogs. I like to play golf and enjoy our garden, even though it's a lot of work. Since retiring from newspaper reporting I've written a few books. I also write a monthly column for Jamaicans.com

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