Vasta B. – Yaadinfo Contributor [ Website ]
Greetings Citizens of Chocko-Blocko.
Be prepared to enter my world of Good & Evil. I am not trying to be grim, nor shall I deceive or fill you with false illusions. My life is a script, and you my Friends/Citizens are directors and players. Welcome to the world of VASTAMAN, ‘Jamaica’s first superhero’.
There’s so much more to explain about my acquired mystic status but for now let me just Blog-Opera my profound life’s ode to one and all. Weekly I’ll Blog-Opera my mystic journey towards Resurrection and Superhero status, but rest assured the blogs are based on topical events. Just like the town of Abbottabad in Pakistan, Camden in London City, Flatbush in New York, and Half-Way-Tree in Kingston City, Vastaman’s city of Chocko-Blocko is your typical urban setting.
Visit any time, you’re now a Citizen. Air your views, get involved, and just make yourself feel at home as this is your city…..uhhh, did someone just mention Bin-Laden????
Interior: Car, A40 Highway. 8:00 am.
On the streets of Chocko-Blocko citizens call me Vastaman. My Mother, Mama Mention, named me after my father so whenever my parents bellow my name they address me as Junior. “Who gives a damn??”, I hear you ask. I do! By the way, the citizens of Choco-Blocko and Mama Mention call my father Daddy Buster.
Confused?
You will be.
CUT TO:
Interior: Car: A40 Highway. 8:00am. (Continuous)
DADDY BUSTER
Press-gas di plane soon Land! You’re driving like Gaddafi impose sanctions? Drive faster woman!
MAMA MENTION
Junior tell you fada fi shut-up!
VASTAMAN
Mum can you stop calling me Junior.
MAMA MENTION
But me name you after you fada.
VASTAMAN
Yeah, and you hate him.
DADDY BUSTER
Listen woman, me know dat yu hate mi guts, but you CANNOT drive 10mph in the 80mph fast land!
MAMA MENTION
Junior ask you fada why I hate him.
VASTAMAN
Sure mom, after you answer the police. They’re signalling you to pull over.
CUT TO:
Interior: Car: A40 Hard-Shoulder. 8:45am.
Back in 1998 I served 3 years in prison for smuggling 1 pound of high-grade ganja from Amsterdam. Ever since my release I’ve kept my hustle tight. For instance, it came as no surprise to me that my illegal Dutch activities were being monitored by a member of the Chocko-Blocko community. What we call a RAT! I just want to keep my nose clean, keep out of trouble. Now the cops are pulling my 65 year old Mother over for driving too slow.
CUT TO:
Exterior: A40 Hard-Shoulder. 8:55am.
POLICE OFFICER
Do you normally drink overproof Jamaican White Rum at this time of the Morning Sir?
DADDY BUSTER.
Yea Man! Yu done know….BURP! Yu eva drink ‘Reel-Up-Tan-Pon-It-Long-Depth-Charge-Run-Up-And-Down-Pickney-Come-Down-And-Magnum?’ BURP!!!
POLICE OFFICER.
Pardon? Don’t get lippy with me son.
DADDY BUSTER.
Mi look like yu daddy?
POLICE OFFICER.
Step out of the car and keep your hands where i can see them!
CUT.
[Continues Next Week…]
I’m sure The National Enquirer will tell us. Tiger will have to make up something. It’s too bad. Even the rich, gifted and famous should have some privacy. I hope the president will finish the job in Afghanistan and get our troops out of the middle east altogether. I’m becoming a fatalist. What will be will be. I wish we could spend what resources we have on our American family and leave the rest to fate.
Of course we all want to know what Tiger and his wife were doing—whatever it was it will be more understandable I guarantee than trying to figure out what our president and the other politicians are up to.