Vastaman – Signal di Plane!

Vasta Vasta B. – Yaadinfo Contributor    [ Website ]

Greetings Citizens of Chocko-Blocko. After all that drama on the way to the airport to collect my Uncle Chester – with my mum getting a ticket for driving too slow on the freeway and dad being arrested by the same police officer for disorderly conduct – it looks like my Uncle Chester is about to encounter his own problems on the flight. Read on. 

Cut to:
Int: Air Jamaica, Airbus A340. 10:00am

“Ladies and Gentlemen thanks for flying Air Jamaica. Flight Attendants please prepare for Landing.”

MampieAlarmed by the captain’s promptitude my Uncle Chester’s future intended wife, Mampie, panicked. Mampie wasn’t the most literate fluffy-diva on the block, and couldn’t fill out her customs and visa forms. During the 10 hour fight Uncle Chester had devoured 2 bottles of champagne, 1 flask of white rum and 25 Red-Stripes. Deep sleep was his only option.

Cut to: Con’t
Int: Air Jamaica, Airbus A340. 10:15am

“Ladies and Gentlemen air traffic control has notified me that there will be a slight delay.”

“Passengers please make sure your visa and customs forms are completed correctly.”

Excessive amounts of sweat began to gush from Mampie’s armpits and forehead. How was she going to wake the drunken, comatose Uncle Chester? When you’re raised in the ghettos of Kingston and you have problems sometimes the only option is brute force.

Cut to:
Int: Air Jamaica, Airbus A340. 10:20am

Just like a ninja assassin Mampie placed her index finger and thumb upon Uncle Chester neck. She then gathered a flab of flesh and gave him on almighty pinch. Uncle Chester leaped 5 feet in the air smashing his head on the panelling above.

Uncle Chester“Ah weh di R@@$-claat yu tink yu ah do?!!”

Due to pain and shock plus the copious amount of booze consumed, Uncle Chester inadvertently turned his backside towards Mampie instantaneously emitting a beef-patty scented fart directly into her face.

“Woyoy! Chester yu cut-fart pon mi! Ah gwaan batta-batta yu inside ya today!!!”

Before Mampie could stab Uncle Chester in his left earlobe with her airline issued plastic knife a sudden interruption occurred.

“Ladies and Gentlemen is there a Doctor or Nurse on the Plane?”

A white, blond haired, blue eye English woman sitting in row G-34 had gone into convulsions.


[Continues Next Week…]

Remember please feel free to leave comments on each Blog-Opera posted, feedback is good for the soul. Furthermore I am sure there are many readers who have gone abroad, fallen in love and taken that giant step towards bringing their cupid-struck love interest back to your homeland to meet your family.

Are you still with that lover or have things turned sour? Stella doesn’t always get her GROOVE! Hope you enjoyed today’s Blog-Opera.


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Yaadinfo Jamaica