Do I have a few gems to share with you this week! I’ve been flying so much this past month that I’ve become somewhat immune to the absurdity that abounds in my professional life. It’s come to the point where I have to remind myself to write down these encounters because I’ve been forgetting. Well these episodes I surely didn’t forget. Let’s dive in.
What I wanted to say was…!
Let’s play a game called “What I wanted to say was…!” In this game you get a peek into my brain as I naturally formulate a cheeky response when a silly situation or question presents itself before me.
Man comes on with his wife and two kids and they are all sitting in the first row. He opens up the overhead bin, sees a bag in there then asks me;
“Is this somebody’s?”
I smile tersely, “Yes it is.”
What I wanted to say was, “No sir. It belongs to the giraffe wearing the bowtie. He’s using the bathroom right now.”
On a 6 hour flight from New York to Phoenix a passenger comes to the back after takeoff. I was flying with J who was informed by a man that another passenger had removed “something” from the overhead bin.
J: “It’s fine sir. The seatbelt sign is off.”
Man: “You shouldn’t allow that.” By now, the man was looking at me, but I kept my mouth shut.
J: “What do you mean?”
Man (obviously upset now and speaking in a loud whisper): “It’s a security risk! You don’t know what’s in people’s bags. He could have a gun onboard!”
J is obviously flabbergasted by this comment and chokes on his water. I intervened: “Really sir it’s fine. Do you remember putting your bags on a belt before you boarded? Well TSA scans every bag to make sure no-one boards with guns.”
What I wanted to say was, “Too bad you didn’t jump on the same belt to determine if there’s a brain in that head of yours.”
Woman: “If I can’t see through my window how can the pilots see?”
Diana: “They don’t need to see. The computers do that for them.”
What I wanted to say was, “Seriously lady?”
I was walking towards the back of the airplane when a woman flags me down like a mini bus on a country road. I stopped immediately. I thought she was choking with her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
Diana: Yes ma’am.
Woman: I can’t hear anything.
Diana (shooting off the questions in rapid fire): Is it the pressure? Do you have a cold? Did you take a decongestant?
Woman( pointing to her volume button): “No the TV, I can’t hear the TV.”
Diana (not even attempting to hide rolling her eyes): “That’s because you’re not plugged in.”
She still had the headset wires tied into a neat little knot under her chin. It looked like a ram goat’s beard.